


If They Say Why (Why?), Why (Why?), Tell Them That It's Human Nature

by NotALemon



Series: Boys Boys Boys (& Other Songs On My Nightsilver Playlist) [11]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alt. Title: Jean Tries to Give Peter Shovel Talk, Because He's a Criminal and a Felon Y'know, Fucking Telepaths, Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter Peter, I DO NOT ENDORSE THAT But Peter Sure Does, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jean Roasting People, Jean You Funky Little Telepath, Kurt and Peter are Just in Love Okay, M/M, No Song Lyrics, Peter's Used to Being Interrogated, Short & Sweet, Stop Reading People's Minds Jean, This Fanfic Talks About Sex a Lot, You See Stuff You Don't Wanna See Jean, be gay do crimes, nothing happens in this, they're really cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-20 13:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19992970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotALemon/pseuds/NotALemon
Summary: Jean crosses her arms and stares at Peter. “You’ve corrupted another innocent child.”“Whoa whoa whoa.” Peter puts his hands up in surrender, then crosses his arms. “First of all, I’m insulted by your use of ‘another’, like I regularly go out and corrupt these lovely youths, and secondly,‘corrupted’is a strong word. Third, Kurt isnota child. He’s an adult.”Jean gives him a very specific look that makes his skin crawl. “Whathave you done to him?”“Well, when two guys love each other very much, sometimes they-”“Peter.”“Seriously, Jean. We’re just two guys figuring life out. It's human nature and whatever.”





	If They Say Why (Why?), Why (Why?), Tell Them That It's Human Nature

“ _What_ have you done to Kurt?” Jean follows Peter in the hallway, almost cornering him. But only because he lets her, because, let’s be serious, no one can really corner him. Not even a telepath. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter says. His thoughts are too rushed, all in one long, unbroken strand of what would be gibberish to anyone else, so she must’ve been listening to Kurt. Which, weird. What goes on in Kurt’s young mind? 

“Thoughts leak through,” Jean says. “And he’s _loud_.” 

“Loud about what?” Peter’s still trying to play innocent with the feeble hope that Jean can’t catch up to his racing thoughts. “Hell yeah he is,” he tries not to think. He also tries not to think about Kurt biting his neck to try being quieter. 

Jean gives him a pointed look, and, okay, Peter could probably guess, but he wants _specifics_ before he confesses to anything. The things you learn when you’re often confronted by the police, right? 

“Whatever you’re thinking about and more,” Jean says. “Get your head out of the gutter.” 

Shit. She totally heard him thinking inappropriate thoughts about Kurt. Peter covers his head with his arms. “Get outta there!” 

“You’re just as loud.” Jean crosses her arms and stares at Peter. “You’ve corrupted another innocent child.” 

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Peter puts his hands up in surrender, then crosses his arms. “First of all, I’m insulted by your use of ‘another’, like I regularly go out and corrupt these lovely youths, and secondly, _‘corrupted’_ is a strong word. Third, Kurt is _not_ a child. He’s an adult.” Peter’s stomach drops, the fact that no one knows Kurt's real birthdate hitting him hard. It’s sketchy. 

Jean gives him a very specific look that makes his skin crawl. “ _What_ have you done to him?” 

“Well, when two guys love each other very much, sometimes they-” 

“ _Peter_.” 

“Seriously, Jean. We’re just two guys figuring life out. It's human nature and whatever.” Peter shoves his hands in his pockets and slouches. Keep it casual when talking about your sex life. Well, not exactly _talking_ as much as _being forced to defend your relationship_. He didn’t think _this_ was what he was gonna have to defend after being in an openly queer relationship. He can’t tell if this is better or worse than what he expected. “Why’re you grilling me?” 

“He’s a little… naive.” 

Peter almost laughs. She’s wrong about that, after everything Kurt and Peter have done and said. But then Jean gives him another very specific look and he holds back his laughter, poorly. 

“If by ‘naive’ you mean ‘hot’, then yeah.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“Me, too.” Peter gives her a grin, carefree as always. This is probably the funniest thing to happen all day, just because it’s so fucking strange. This is something that could only happen to him, he swears. “We’re dating. That’s it.” 

“You’re corrupting him.” 

“Again, strong word,” Peter says, trying to keep his thoughts pure. Yep, everything’s G-rated here, no naughty thoughts about certain blue-skinned men. Harder to do than he thought. “I prefer ‘guiding’. Or ‘teaching’. Those are good words. 'Corrupting'? Not a good word.” 

Jean shakes her head. “He’s still young.” 

“We’re all young. This’s a school.” Peter makes a sweeping gesture. Technically, he _is_ young, in the scheme of life and shit, y’know.

Jean gives him another very specific look, a mixture of frustration and disbelief. “I-” 

“You can’t believe me, I know.” Peter doesn’t have to be a telepath to know this. He’s good at reading people, and also, he’s used to this very specific look from literally any authority figure he’s ever met. If he took time to name them all, he’d probably have more gray hairs than he already does. _Why don’t you do better, Peter? Why do you keep stealing stuff, Peter? Why can’t you be more like your sister, Peter?_

Yeah, his mind must be a little loud today, because Jean’s face goes a little pinched. 

Shit, telepath. _Shit_. Peter does damage control as quickly as he can, still not adjusted to not being a sad sack of shit around the freaking telepaths. He rattles off every point Jean’s brought up “I’m not corrupting Kurt, we’re consenting adults and yadda yadda, uh…” he stares off into the distance and spots Kurt walking towards them, timing freakishly accurate, for some reason. Even though the kid can teleport, he still likes to walk. It kinda amazes Peter, 'cuz Peter just runs everywhere, and he couldn't imagine _not_ using his mutation for everyday shit, but that's Kurt's charm. He loves the simple things, and Peter loves him. Peter smiles at Kurt. “Hey, Blueberry.” 

Kurt beams at Peter. “ _Hallo_ , Peter,” he says. 

Peter opens up for a hug, sticking his tongue out at Jean over Kurt’s shoulder like the mature adult he is. He almost slides his hands into Kurt’s back pockets just because he can, but… it _is_ a hallway, and people _are_ heading to class. So... not right now, Peter. 

_“At least you have some self-control.”_

Shut up, Jean.

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, back in a very short amount of time with another Nightsilver fanfic, adding another work to what Laughing_Screaming referred to as "the ongoing saga of 'Peter manages to exercise self-restraint, to a certain extent'", the perfect description for this fic. 
> 
> I don't know what to say about the fic itself, other than the fact that the summary is one of _the_ funniest things I've written in some time. There's just something about Jean roasting Peter that brings me joy. There isn't a lot of actual Kurt and Peter content in here, but it's about time that some other characters in this series. Also, this is a two or three month old fic that I've finally polished up after I finished my final. Yay, me!
> 
> Also when you're hugging someone and they slide their hand into your back pocket retweet if you agree.
> 
> Human Nature by Michael Jackson and many other quality songs can be found in my [ Nightsilver Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/grammaticalhermit/playlist/6uJsZY2gCggt2Hj2xM0ITv?si=1rDK0OcGQw2T9ZCy7oYQhg).


End file.
